How Self-Compassion Helps With Anxiety

Dealing with anxiety is hard. And what makes it even harder is when we beat ourselves up about it…

“Why am I like this?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Why is this so hard for me?”

“Why do I feel so anxious? I shouldn’t feel this way.”

“I should be able to handle this.”

“Why can’t I just be normal?”

I’m here to tell you: don’t be so hard on yourself!

Anxiety is a completely normal, human emotion - we all experience it. And like other emotions, it isn’t something we have ‘control’ over (no matter what anyone says). Anxiety (like all emotions) operates outside of our conscious control.

What we DO have control over is how we respond to anxiety when it shows up.

There is absolutely no benefit to beating yourself up over something you can’t control - I promise you that.

What does happen when you beat yourself up, is that you end up ‘feeling bad about feeling bad’. This adds in another (unnecessary) layer of suffering. So not only are you experiencing anxiety, but now you’re also feeling frustration, shame, embarrassment, anger or even sadness.

So what would be more helpful?

Self-compassion.

Self-compassion is about treating yourself with acceptance, kindness, warmth and understanding - particularly in difficult circumstances!

Self-compassion activates important brain areas that are critical to soothing anxiety. And it also helps you avoid the unnecessary suffering mentioned earlier that comes along with harshly judging or criticizing yourself when feeling anxious.

Not only that, but research actually shows that people who are more self-compassionate are generally happier, have greater life satisfaction and better relationships, and are less anxious and depressed.

Try the following steps the next time you're feeling anxious:

1. Take 5 deep breaths

2. Gently and compassionately acknowledge to yourself that you are feeling anxious (i.e. “I notice that I am having feelings of anxiety right now”)

3. Acknowledge that you are experiencing a moment of pain and suffering (i.e. “This is painful for me”)

4. Remind yourself that you are not alone in your experience (i.e. "Anxiety is a normal and unavoidable part of life")

5. Take a moment to scan your body and notice where you are feeling the anxiety most intensely, perhaps in your chest or your stomach. Place a soothing, comforting hand on this part of your body, if that feels okay for you.

You might like to add in other kind phrases, like: "This isn't my fault", "I'm doing the best that I can", "Let me be kind to myself", or "Be gentle".

Play around a little and find what feels best for you.

You can sit with this kind of practice for as long or as little as you’d like. There’s no right or wrong.

You may experience an immediate reduction in your anxiety following this exercise, or you may not - either is okay. Try not to be too attached to any particular outcome.

Focus instead on cultivating a sense of compassion for yourself and noticing what that feels like for you.

For some, self-compassion might feel weird and uncomfortable when you first try it out. You might even find yourself resisting it. That's completely normal. Start with small doses and work your way up.

The more you practice it, the more easily it will come. And over time, you will find that your anxiety decreases as a result.

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I specialize in the treatment of anxiety, panic and stress. If you’re interested in learning more about whether my therapy services are a good fit for you, please contact me to schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation.

What you can expect in our work together:

• Confidential, non-judgmental, and compassionate care

• Comprehensive assessment of your needs, goals and strengths

• Collaborative treatment planning rooted in evidence-based models

• Skill-building and development of effective coping strategies

• Home practice on a weekly basis to make sure you feel confident in applying the skills you are learning

I very much look forward to working alongside you on your journey toward wellness!